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1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, insert the giraffe, and close the door.
This question tested whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door?" Wrong answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tested your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.
This tested your memory.
OK, even if you didn't answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
This tested whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Andersen Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent
work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent
communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable
hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts
on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping
sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities.
Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
Specialized duties for Foster Mom include all the above duties as if they
were your own as well as having little pieces of your heart amputated at
regular intervals when children are placed elsewhere.
RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at
least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue
repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be
able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the
screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing
to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls,
maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all
ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always
hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also
include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to
remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly
retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can
ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered
on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and
bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption
that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you
give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme
is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job
supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life
if you play your cards right.
A Guide to Effective Scientific Communication
=============================================
Phrase Translation
=================================================================
It has long been known I haven't bothered to look up the
reference
It is believed I think
It is generally believed A couple of other guys think so too
Typical results are shown The best results are shown
The 4 hour sample was not I dropped it on the floor
studied
The 4 hour determination may I dropped it on the floor, but
not be significant scooped most of it up
The significance of these Look at the pretty artifact
results is unclear
It has not been possible to The experiment was negative, but
provide definitive answers at least I can publish the data
somewhere
Much additional work will be This paper is not very good, but
required neither are all the others in this
miserable field
I thank X for assistance X did the experiment and Y explained
with the experiments and it to me
Y for useful discussions
on the interpretation of
the data
Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM machines in Braille lettering.
Only in America...do some frozen food dinners actually say: "Serving suggestion: Defrost" [But it's just a suggestion.]
Only in America...do some peanut packages actually say: "Warning: contains nuts."
Only in America...does a bread pudding package actually say: "Product will be hot after heating." [...and you thought???]
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